Monday, April 23, 2007
HER
THIS IS A VERY LONG POST !
please don't bother to read !
i know i shudnt be writing tis post.
but i jus cant swallow it.
i wanna tell her hw im feelin rite nw.
i wanna express my feelins.
[tho she doesnt know i hv tis blog.]
did you notice it has been rainin for a few days?
yup. this is hw im feelin rite nw.
seeing you, i felt my heart in real pain. ouch. =(
cos u hv someone who can take good care of you.
tt time, i doesnt know anyt abt it,
cos i din went to ur blog for a v v long time.
tt time i was chattin wif you on th msn.
i realised tt something was amiss,
u usually talked alot.
but nw, it seemed so lil.
so lil tt it almst became ' nth else to chat wif you '.
[roughly recapped on wat we chatted, may nt be words by words]
so, i asked you : ' why you tt time slp so late? '.
you said : ' cos they in th middle of th nite sms me mah. '.
me : ' oh, sms who? stead ar? '.
you : ' lame. '.
me : ' i dun find it lame ar. '.
you : ' lame, lame, lame. '.
me : ' ask you sth ar. '.
you : ' wat? '.
me : ' who you lik? '.
you : ' dun tell you. '.
me : ' alrit alrit. '.
at th same time,
i kept changin my nick lik -
' see it burnin in my eyes ',
' nt knowin anyt ',
blah blah blah.
nt until ' jie ' told me tt you gt stead.
i went to read ur blog.
my heart sank.
i was so DUMB to ask you tt q's in th beginnin lor.
im so STUPID !
ever since tt day, you didnt look at me,
you jus ignored me as if im completely invisible in ur eyes.
you didnt smile at me for th whole day.
you...jus changed completely.
so fast. so fast...so fast tt i couldnt believe it.
i've alrdy made up my mind to face tt q's if you asked me who i like.
and whn i am tryin all my might to face it, you had a stead le.
i was late. too late.
you tagged on my taggyboard tt time, it was alrite.
what abt now? IGNORES.
i kept lookin at you, but u jus dun wanna look.
at sch, i jus cant concentrate on my wks.
kept tinkin abt it. cant pay attention.
tt nite, i kept tinkin abt how we were goin well for a long long time.
but nw, it jus completely different frm nw.
ya i noe.
past is th past.
we cant dwell in th past.
i wanna forget too ar.
but my liking for you had NV been changed for th past 3yrs.
those memories, those smiles, those looks.
how could you ask me to forget?
3yrs...its so deep inside my mind.
its too hard for me to forget even if i wan to.
i kept reminiscence all th mmrs we had before.
th promises i made to you.
th mornin calls,
th miss calls,
th smiling frm each other without fail everyday,
laughs,
long chats on phone calls...
gougoushou...
tt particular day, 150306...
tt organiser you wrote last yr,
its stil with you rite nw...
alot n alot more.
even if i cried, will you ever notice it?
when you're in class laughin and smilin.
i jus duno how to react.
shud i be happy cos you're happy nw?
or shud i be sad cos its ovr nw?
i've been doin alot of soul-seaching for alot of days,
' jie ' said, let it go, let it all go...
i jus couldnt ! ='(
' jie ' oso said, dun be sad cos its ovr, be happy cos it happened.
i stil rmb FRI,
you ignored me for th whole day,
SAT, you cried alot of time
cos you dun noe how to move along with th music.
you are being embarressed by mdm peng
and swapped places.
did you know, whn you are cryin,
my heart is in PAIN !
i offered you a pack of tissue paper to wipe ur tears frm ur face
while th rest of th 1ST HIGH comforted you.
in th end. you ignored me again.
all i got is, jus A SMILE frm ur face durin break time.
you know wat...THAT HURTS !
i smsed you sayin tt
you can do it, belive, bu yao ku le,
if nt gt wrinkles.
i even sent it 2 times with diff messenges.
ur eyes were SO RED.
i told you to go to toliet to hv a wash on ur face.
whn i went hm,
i felt hurt again.
cos i guess i knew wat happened.
jus tak tday for example.
YHHB went for SFY.
on th way ther. you smiled at me.
alot.
you helped me make my collar.
at th Singapore Conference Hall,
you even gav me a pat on my shoulder
and said jiayou.
you DIDN done tt before.
is it becos tday is SFY.
so u did tis?
again, you know whn u smiled at me,
i duno wat it meant alrdy.
are you lettin me assumin tt you are happy and xinfu nw?
or are you tryin to cheer me up?
i dun understand.
i jus dun.
yup, we'd been prayin hard today,
hopin tt YHHB can get another GOLD WITH HONOUR.
but in th end, YHHB got GOLD.
ya, i knew u almst cried, u jus wiped it off quickly only.
aft tt, at sch, again,
whn i looked at you, you jus ignored.
whn band had been released, i came out,
i saw him waitin for you.
sobs.
i took 187 bus, it went across th CC ther,
i saw you,
and th gals,
and him.
='(
i guess he's sendin you hm bah?
th day whn i knew i've lost you.
my miserable days starts.
no more smiles frm you.
no more looks frm you.
no more chats frm you.
no more phone calls frm you.
no more smses frm you
no more encouragement frm you.
no more motivation frm you.
no more hotmails frm you.
th person you smiled at is nt me.
th person you looked at is nt me.
th person you chatted with is nt me.
th person you phone calls to is nt me.
th person you smsed is nt me.
th person you encouraging is nt me.
th person you motivated is nt me.
th person you wanted to send you hm is nt me.
th person you hotmail-ed to is nt me.
i jus wanna worry abt you.
i jus wanna care for you.
i jus wanna be there for you.
i jus wanna take care of you.
i jus wanna make you laugh.
i jus wanna make you smile.
hv you forgotten th mmrs we once had?
hv you forgotten th day 150306?
hv you forgotten th promises?
hv you forgotten we used to smile at each other without fail?
hv you forgotten th encouragement and motivation we gav each other?
hv you forgotten th long phone chats even if it was exam time?
hv you forgotten those day tt i sent you hm?
hv you forgotten th hotmails in ur inbox?
hv you forgotten th dabendannnnn and shagua?
hv you? hv you? hv you?
you're th one who can make me smile.
you're th one who can make me laugh.
you're th one who can make me sad.
you're th one who can make me cry.
you're th one who give me memories.
bcos of you, i know hw to smile.
bcos of you, i know hw to laugh.
bcos of you, i know hw to cry.
bcos of you, i know hw to be happy.
bcos of you, i learnt many things.
bcos of you, i know alot of things.
without you, everything seems bland.
without you, i duno hw to smile.
without you, i duno hw to laugh.
without you, i duno hw to be happy.
without you, i duno anything.
without you, life is meaningless.
i guess you would say,
' you duno wat hurts is cos you didnt stead before '
ya, i do hv feelings too. i do cry. i cried for you.
i was jus waitin for a day to say th 4 words.
th words i've been longing to say to you.
well, its too late nw.
i stil rmb th taggy you wrote.
we said START EVERYTING AFRESH !
='(
extremely sad.
you said you gav me another chance.
i guess, i mis-used it.
i dun hav a chance nw.
nw you're gone.
my soul is lost.
im stucked.
im lost.
i duno which direction to go.
i duno whther to move forwards or backwards,
i duno wat to do.
i need you.
i need you to guide me.
i rilly need you so much.
i need your motivation and encouragement.
i've been missin you lately every day and nite.
longing tt you would sms me.
longing tt you would call me.
cryin in my pillow.
makin it wet in th nite.
a long time ago.
my heart broke into million pieces by you.
million pieces fell onto th floor.
i kept walking and walking.
hoping tt i could find th million pieces.
i kneeled down and pick it up.
with my own bare hands.
i walked again.
picked it up again.
i've fell before.
all th pieces frm my hands dropped onto th flr.
i was hurt by th million pieces.
my hands were scratched by th million pieces.
blood started to drip out.
i stood up.
i picked it up again as i walked on.
nw, i fell again.
i hate you.
i hate myself even more.
whnever i tink of th mmrs.
i cried.
i told myself to hold back my tears if possible.
sometimes i do. sometimes i dont.
seeing you xinfu kuaile,
i duno whther to be happy or nt.
my presences ard seems nth to you at all.
here i am longing, for you.
but did you even notice my presence?
or are you pretending not to notice?
我 想 那 人 已 不 再 是 我 . ='(
懂 得 让 我 微 笑 的 人
再 没 有 谁 比 你 有 天 分
懂 得 让 我 流 泪 的 人
给 的 感 动 一 定 是 最 深
在 我 心 中 留 下 伤 痕everyone had been yearnin for tis day.
' if i can go back to th past, i will... '
but, it wil nv happen.
my chances are ovr.
i duno wat to do rite nw.
i guess i will NV be with you again.
eventhou im hoping.
jus a foolish thought.
once you walked away, u wont turn back le.
i jus knew u wont come back le.
我 只 是 你 生 命 中 的 小 记 忆 ...
guess i was right after all.
i didn noe u meant so much to me.
u're gone.
u left my world in grey.
i cant smile without u.
i jus cant.
even if gt, it's jus a false one.
every sms contains one memory.你 的 快 乐 我 可 以 感 受 得 到 ...
我 曾 经 有 过 一 段 美 好 的 回 忆 . :')
u stil noe hw to mak me smile usin sms.
ya. i admit i smiled.
but wat happen after tt?
we watched each other grew up?
we watched each other changed?
we watched each other walked away?
you jus duno wat im tinkin everytime.
even if u knew. u shud know why.
even if i tried to forget those mmrs,
i knew i cant forget.
cos i guess it was suppose to be ther.
it was meant to be ther.
no matter how hard you tried.
you jus cant get it off ur head.
becos...it was meant to be ther.
mayb i jus dun hv th courage to say it out bah.
i wan to try but i guess its too late nw.
im in no position to ask you watever i wanna ask you.
cos th person who hv th position is him.
nt me.
im jus a dabendan !
dabendannnnn !
- something that i already know @ 6:55 PM |
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